Bad Movie Twins

I Don’t Know How She Does It Preview

Oh, how they danced! Kyle and Sabrina twirled the night away. “This is the best prom evvvveerrrrrr,” Kyle screamed in glee. The lights! The decorations! The “Mannequin Factory After Dark” theme! Sweating, he asks if she would like to sit and have a drink. “The punch looks delicious,” he says. She gives no response. Playing coy, as usual. “Oh, you are incorrigible,” he says with a chuckle, “but I am tired so why don’t you take a seat and I’ll grab you a drink.” As he fetches the punch he realizes the flashlight in his hand is flickering. As he puts it up to his face to try to steady the beam it flashes again and briefly blinds him. In that moment he gets the sense that he’s not at the prom at all. It seemed instead that he was in some horrific underground lair. The floor is strewn with bones. The air is musty and cold. Worst of all he caught a glimpse of two men unconscious on the floor. While muscular, these men weren’t overly muscular but rather ideal in tone. They had the bodies of dancers and were exceptionally handsome to boot. He gasps when he realizes the most startling fact. They were identical. Identical just like his beautiful mannequins. He must save these mannequin-like men! But when he looks at his flashlight is now completely dead. He looks around the prom, but it’s again all beautiful dancing mannequins as far as the eye can see. How can such heaven also be such hell? Suddenly he sees a mannequin in the corner shaking with fear. She’s afraid. How strange. That’s it! This mannequin must be able to see the world for what it is… but how? “I don’t know how she does it,” Kyle mutters. That’s right! We are watching I Don’t Know How She Does It… more like I Don’t Know Why We’re Watching This, am I right? Let’s go!

I Don’t Know How She Does It (2011) – BMeTric: 57.9; Notability: 38

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 7.6%; Notability: top 16.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 10.6%; Higher BMeT: Jack and Jill, The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World, Shark Night, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, 11-11-11, Hellraiser: Revelations, The Roommate, The Darkest Hour, Conan the Barbarian, Abduction, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Zookeeper, Apollo 18, Twixt; Higher Notability: Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Cars 2, Green Lantern, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, New Year’s Eve, The Smurfs, Hop, Red Riding Hood, Your Highness, Jack and Jill, Battle Los Angeles, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, The Hangover Part II, Sucker Punch, I Am Number Four, In Time, Larry Crowne, Johnny English Reborn, Just Go with It, and 21 more; Lower RT: Faces in the Crowd, Hellraiser: Revelations, Love, Wedding, Marriage, Jack and Jill, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Roommate, A Little Bit of Heaven, Hick, Abduction, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Dream House, New Year’s Eve, 11-11-11, Trespass, Red Riding Hood, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Season of the Witch, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, The Darkest Hour, Atlas Shrugged: Part I, and 6 more; Notes: We really are at almost exactly half of the big boys in this era, it is amazing. We have so many to do, but I would argue we really have hit up like 70% of the best options. Ugh, we have to rewatch the Transformer films at some point.

EW – D+ – I don’t know why she does it.

(That’s a classic zinger by Lisa Schwarzbaum from EW. I might have to buy the last Leonard Maltin guide. I can get the 2010 edition online (kind of), but I just miss this one and I am pretty curious as to what Ebert / Maltin thought of this. Alas this had to be a rare miss.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJPKOS9DZeg

(We talking about a secret Christmas film in New York?! I guess sign me up. Oh the movie? Looks lame.)

Directors – Douglas McGrath – ( Known For: Emma; Infamous; Nicholas Nickleby; Company Man; Becoming Mike Nichols; BMT: I Don’t Know How She Does It; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for writing Bullets Over Broadway. Died in 2022.)

Writers – Aline Brosh McKenna – ( Known For: The Devil Wears Prada; Cruella; 27 Dresses; We Bought a Zoo; Morning Glory; Your Place or Mine; Future BMT: Annie; Laws of Attraction; Three to Tango; BMT: I Don’t Know How She Does It; Notes: Created Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Was apparently the fifth person hired to adapt The Devil Wears Prada.)

Allison Pearson – ( BMT: I Don’t Know How She Does It; Notes: Apparently a columnist for The Daily Telegraph and supported Brexit.)

Actors – Sarah Jessica Parker – ( Known For: Mars Attacks!; Ed Wood; Sex and the City; Footloose; The Family Stone; The First Wives Club; Hocus Pocus 2; Flight of the Navigator; L.A. Story; Smart People; State and Main; Extreme Measures; Honeymoon in Vegas; Girls Just Want to Have Fun; Strangers with Candy; All Roads Lead to Rome; Miami Rhapsody; Here and Now; What She Said: The Art of Pauline Kael; Spinning Into Butter; Future BMT: Hocus Pocus; Striking Distance; If Lucy Fell; ‘Til There Was You; Firstborn; BMT: New Year’s Eve; Failure to Launch; Sex and the City 2; Did You Hear About the Morgans?; Escape from Planet Earth; I Don’t Know How She Does It; Dudley Do-Right; Notes: Nominated for 10 Emmys for Sex and the City, won two of them. Still doing it too, which is kind of a trip to think about.)

Pierce Brosnan – ( Known For: The World’s End; Mrs. Doubtfire; Mamma Mia!; GoldenEye; Mars Attacks!; Die Another Day; The World Is Not Enough; Tomorrow Never Dies; Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief; The Ghost Writer; The Foreigner; Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again; Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga; The Thomas Crown Affair; No Escape; Cinderella; The Matador; Survivor; The Out-Laws; A Long Way Down; Future BMT: Remember Me; Dante’s Peak; The November Man; After the Sunset; Laws of Attraction; Love Affair; BMT: Black Adam; The Lawnmower Man; I Don’t Know How She Does It; The King’s Daughter; Notes: I talked a bit about his family like in the Black Adam preview. He’s James Bond! Sure most of his Bond films weren’t very good, but GoldenEye is still great, and a great video game.)

Kelsey Grammer – ( Known For: X-Men: Days of Future Past; Toy Story 2; X-Men: The Last Stand; Anastasia; Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising; The Marvels; Storks; Middle Men; Like Father; Jesus Revolution; Father Christmas Is Back; Crazy on the Outside; Best of Enemies: Buckley vs. Vidal; Trollhunters: Rise of the Titans; Money Plane; Grand Isle; Even Money; The God Committee; The Big Empty; 7 Guardians of the Tomb; Future BMT: Entourage; 15 Minutes; Down Periscope; Think Like a Man Too; Just Visiting; Swing Vote; Fame; An American Carol; BMT: Transformers: Age of Extinction; The Expendables 3; I Don’t Know How She Does It; Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return; Notes: Won five Emmys. Was kind of famously a rare right wing Hollywood guy back when that was just considered an odd quirk of the Clinton era.)

Budget/Gross – $24,000,000 / Domestic: $9,662,284 (Worldwide: $31,410,151)

(Brutal return. But then again … I had never heard of this film until this very moment, so I guess that makes sense.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 17% (19/114): A limp comedy with a hopelessly outdated viewpoint on gender, featuring Sarah Jessica Parker in rote Carrie-mode.

(Yeah, it seems like the storyline seems a tad bit old fashioned. I fear I’m going to find out exactly why they got Kelsey Grammer for this film…)

Reviewer Highlight: “I Don’t Know How She Does It” seems stuck in the past. – Stephen Holden, New York Times

Poster – I Don’t Know Why We’re Watching This

(A joke so nice I’ll use it twice. I might even use it thrice. Stay tuned. So this is bad, but it’s artistic in a way that belies its badness. Does that make it good? Not exactly. But it rises all the way up to mediocrity. C.)

Tagline(s) – If it were easy, men would do it too. (F)

(I don’t… I don’t know what this means.)

Keyword(s) – 2007-2015

Top 10: The Dark Knight (2008), Inception (2010), Interstellar (2014), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), Django Unchained (2012), Inglourious Basterds (2009), The Wolf of Wall Street (2013), The Avengers (2012), Shutter Island (2010), Avatar (2009)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.5 Shark Night (2011), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 75.2 The Apparition (2012), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 74.1 The Spirit (2008), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.1 The Pyramid (2014), 69.6 College Road Trip (2008), 69.4 Gulliver’s Travels (2010), 69.2 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010), 68.7 Captivity (2007)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Scary Movie V (2013), The Last Airbender (2010), Left Behind (2014), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Love Guru (2008), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011), Norbit (2007), Movie 43 (2013), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Prom Night (2008), Bratz (2007), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), One Missed Call (2008), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Skyline (2010), The Devil Inside (2012), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ouija (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Furry Vengeance (2010), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), After Earth (2013), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), The Gallows (2015), Jonah Hex (2010), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Getaway (2013), …

Best Options (Romance): 64.8 Sex Tape (2014), 62.1 Obsessed (2009), 58.0 I Don’t Know How She Does It (2011), 55.4 The Back-up Plan (2010), 53.2 Aloha (2015), 52.3 How Do You Know (2010), 51.1 Little Fockers (2010), 51.0 Over Her Dead Body (2008), …

(yeah, relatively low, but I can see why we chose this. Obsessed is for another day I feel like (and I’m pretty sure Jamie already saw it), and I’ve definitely seen Sex Tape and that’s a comedy. This one is one of the rare true blue romantic comedies I think.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Greg Kinnear is No. 3 billed in I Don’t Know How She Does It and No. 1 billed in Godsend, which also stars Rebecca Romijn (No. 2 billed) who is in Rollerball (No. 3 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (3 + 1) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 2) = 12. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – The painting on the wall, when they are in the restaurant having dinner, is from famous painter Jean-Michel Basquiat.

Pierce Brosnan and Greg Kinnear appeared in The Matador (2005) and Salvation Boulevard (2011).

Sarah Jessica Parker and Pierce Brosnan appeared in Mars Attacks! (1996).

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Sarah Jessica Parker)

Prom Night (2008) Recap

Jamie

I have long contended that any movie is improved by setting it in high school or college. Take a concept (Fatal Attraction for example). Now set it in high school… wait a second! I now have Swimfan! It’s amazing. See? Let’s try another. Uh… Jurassic Park… OK. Dinosaurs loose on a college campus? Sign me up. Should I try one more? The Killing Fields… Alright, well that… yeah, nevermind. So it almost always works. In fact this could be another character of mine, similar to Franchise Man. The School Fool. A fool for all things school. Anyway, this explains why when it became clear that Prom Night was a possibility for the 2008 entry in the cycle I was unreasonably excited. It also helps that horror films are the original “improved by setting it in high school or college” standard. So screw you, Disaster Movie and Extreme Movie… 2008 is for the School Fool.

To recap, Donna is a high school freshman when her whole family is killed by a teacher who has become obsessed with her. Three years later, she is living with her Aunt and Uncle and on the verge of Senior Prom/college when nightmares of the event return. Everyone including her boyfriend and friends want her to just have a nice night and not think about all that bad stuff. Unfortunately, there is a reason to think about it as the local police find out that days prior the teacher escaped from jail and is heading her way. So what is a police officer to do? On the one hand they could swoop in and lock down Donna to keep her safe. On the other they could let her have some fun at prom. Lucky for us these police officers think option 2 is just dandy (cause otherwise this movie would be pretty boring). At the prom Donna and everyone are having a great time… in fact, it’s such a typical prom that you start to wonder why you are even watching it. At that point the teacher starts to snag different people who leave the prom and kill them. Donna never leaves the prom, though, cause she’s a prom fiend so she doesn’t get killed… that is until the police figure out that they totally screwed up and pull the fire alarm. Donna just thinks it’s a fire so runs up to her room to grab her mother’s scarf and is confronted by the teacher. Fortunately she is fast like a rabbit and escapes. The police take her home while they scour the hotel for the teacher, but realize too late that he also escaped their clutches. At that point he kills Donna’s boyfriend and tries to kill her, but the police arrive just in time to kill him instead. Donna is probably extra scarred by this and the police probably have to answer a bunch of questions regarding their competence. THE END.

Prom Night is a whole lotta nonsense. I used to say about some films that you could “see the seams” when everything seemed manufactured. The rules of the world appeared to no longer apply given the amount of suspension of disbelief required to watch the film. Prom Night feels that way. The bad guy is just some loser teacher and yet he functions like he’s a supervillain or something. They make sure the police grumble about not being told the dude escaped from jail for three days because you need to have them know about him and yet not have enough time to warn the girl before she heads to prom. You need her to start having nightmares again so the family can logically (well, almost logically) decide that not telling her about the escaped killer is the best course of action. It really is narratively bonkers. That being said… it’s hard not to like a silly high school horror film. I enjoyed the experience of watching this objectively terrible movie. Oh and our boy Kellen Lutz has one of the funniest scenes of the millennium in the film. I almost wanted to get the DVD from the library just to burn the scene… but then I didn’t.

Hot Take Clam Bake! This is a stealth horror remake of Can’t Hardly Wait. Preston is obsessed with Amanda just like our teacher is obsessed with Donna. He looks forward to the end of senior year event to finally make his big move, much like the teacher chooses prom as the target of his escape. Preston is even mistaken for a creepo by Amanda at first… which is riffing on an alternative reading of the film (that he’s in fact a stalker/psycho). This take is driven by the fact that Donna wakes up in the final scene with Can’t Hardly Wait playing on television and now that I’ve written this all out I actually believe that wasn’t a mistake. This is not longer even a hot take. This was all inspired by Can’t Hardly Wait. Hot Take Temperature: Antarctica.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about a crazed stalker at a fancy pants prom?! Let’s go!

Might as well get this out of the way: I watched the original in prep for the remake. Pretty good. I think maybe Prom Night was the true moment where Jamie Lee Curtis was crowned the Scream Queen. Three movies, three horror films, and this was arguably the second slasher. Would do Terror Train the next year. The only issue with the film really is that they really telegraph the killer. Like, it is so obvious that your mind starts playing tricks on you and you become convinced they could not possibly have done the most obvious thing … but they did. Some fun kills though, particularly the van going over the cliff.

As for this, woof! (But in a good way). Like, abominable, but in the most satisfying and amazing way.

We have a crazed killer for sure, but you know who it is from the jump. An interesting twist, but I can’t say it really works because doesn’t this just become a serial killer thriller in slasher clothing? If we are talking supernatural here with Freddy, Jason, or Michael then I think you get away with the unstoppable force killer, but here you did need a little mystery to amp up the thrills.

Speaking of mystery, I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to pinpoint precisely what game the father was watching on television when he was murdered. It was the November 11, 2000 Oregon St game at Arizona in their one-loss season. Prom Night definitely takes place much later, so we are talking about a Oregon St superfan here. Confirmed! There is actually a lot of Oregon stuff in the film. The boyfriend was definitely going to Oregon St the next year, and they talk about a car getting stolen from a commuter going to Portland, and there is an Oregon St Athletics jacket.

I have a dumb theory about that actually. In my opinion the Oregon stuff was a bit over the top. But the more I thought about it the more I realized it was probably because the director was a huge television director. So a director who has to, potentially, take a script and decide how to best set this film in “Oregon” or wherever while using just establishing shots and filming in LA. And the way you do that is by making a guy an Oregon St superfan and throwing a jacket in a truck, et voila, I’m instantly transported to Oregon.

Oh the movie? The kills are lame (like … really lame. Confusingly lame) and there is no tension at all. The only slight saving grace is the extremely odd presence of Idris Elba as the cop chasing the killer.

But ultimately this film is amazing in the same way the OC is amazing. It scratches a very specific itch. That itch being watching 30 year olds playing high school students with dumb high school drama and weird high school parties.

I already explained this is an incredible Setting as a Character (Where?) for Oregon. And what a better MacGuffin (Why?) that the love of an unattainable beauty, which isn’t a real MacGuffin, but I don’t care because this film deserves more superlatives. Amazing and confounding as it might seem there is no twist in this slasher film. This film is BMT through and through I would watch it a thousand times.

Read about my Prom Night sequel in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Prom Night (2008) Quiz

Oh man, so get this. I was at the prom getting my groove on when the big announcement came. I was NOT crowned Prom King. As I stomp about trashing the place I pull down a set of decorations which bop me right on the head. Now I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Prom Night (2008)?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) We open in a dream where Donna Keppel confronts a stalker in her home. But it is only a dream. It is of course based on her lived experience. How many people died that night when the stalker invaded her home?

2) Uh oh, thought. The bad dude escaped! And on prom night, bad beat. How did he manage to avoid being put to death?

3) What is the theme of the prom?

4) Who won prom king and queen?

5) Uh oh, we got a twist’em’up! While the cops are searching the hotel top to bottom, how did the killer get out of the hotel?

Bonus Question: Right as I’m prepping for my screenwriting agency prom (don’t ask, we have it every year) my new agent Michael calls, what does he want?

Answers

Prom Night (2008) Preview

Kyle creeps down the darkened stairs, his flashlight flickering. “Damn prison batteries,” he mutters, his breath starting to puff out in front of him. It’s cold down there… too cold. He can feel the presence of the Big BM. “Hey you… you big dummy. Let go of my friends!” He yells, trying to summon all his courage. A deep scratchy laugh begins to echo from further in the basement, like the laugh of a very large man with a sore throat. Perhaps the man had spent the previous day in meetings trying to figure out a high profile merger or trying to close a deal to buy a local amusement park. Regardless of the reason, this man had spent the entire previous afternoon talking loudly and lot more than usual and then maybe celebrated the merger/purchase of the amusement park with friends… so now his deep voice was scratchier than usual. Such was the laugh of the Big BM. Suddenly Kyle bumps into something. My god! It’s a man! No wait… it’s a mannequin. What thuuuu….? The laugh begins to echo again and it suddenly dawns on Kyle where he is. “It… it can’t be,” he stutters. The lights come on and he finds himself in his childhood room. He’s surrounded by the mannequins his parents kept there. His mother is there yelling at him. Telling him he can’t go to prom. “There’s too much work in the mannequin factory, Kyle. You must help with the mannequins. Make them beautiful my beautiful boy,” she yells before sweeping out of the room. He wants to cry. Can’t she see they are already beautiful? “The most beautiful in the world,” he mutters. He turns to his favorite and nervously asks, “will you go to prom with me?” She says yes. That’s right! We are watching the 2008 horror classic Prom Night. This hits a sweet spot for me in that it is a high school/college horror film. Nothing better. Let’s go!

Prom Night (2008) – BMeTric: 84.3; Notability: 40

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.6%; Notability: top 16.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 4.5%; Higher BMeT: Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie, The Hottie & the Nottie, The Love Guru; Higher Notability: The Day the Earth Stood Still, The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, Eagle Eye, New York, I Love You, Miracle at St. Anna, You Don’t Mess with the Zohan, Meet Dave, Jumper, Bedtime Stories, Semi-Pro, Drillbit Taylor, An American Carol, 10,000 BC, The Happening, Made of Honor, The Love Guru, Superhero Movie, Repo! The Genetic Opera, Seven Pounds, Four Christmases, and 20 more; Lower RT: One Missed Call, Surfer, Dude, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, Strange Wilderness, The Haunting of Molly Hartley, College, The Accidental Husband, The Hottie & the Nottie, Babylon A.D., Bangkok Dangerous; Notes: That is a huge BMeTric. The four with higher BMeTrics are something else indeed. We’ve only seen four of the films with lover RTs as well, so much to look forward to.

Leonard Maltin – 2.5 stars – Three years after a homicidally obsessive teacher (Schaech) murdered her family, a lovely high-schooler (Snow) is stalked by an unwanted admirer on the night of her senior prom. A nominal remake of the post-Halloween slasher film, this better-than-average teen-skewing thriller relies on minimal graphic violence to sustain suspense.

(Wow, he actually liked it! He hates horror films, but … wait a minute, “minimal graphic violence”!! There it is. Of course he likes it well enough.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayvHRgYNvzU/

(Oh man the music!!!! Jesus I would watch a thousand of these films. It looks so dumb and amazing. Hell yes.)

Directors – Nelson McCormick – ( Future BMT: The Stepfather; BMT: Prom Night; Notes: A television director through and through. Directed such classics as Prison Break.)

Writers – J.S. Cardone – ( Known For: Alien Hunter; The Slayer; Shadowzone; Outside Ozona; True Blue; Black Day Blue Night; Exit in Red; Thunder Alley; A Climate for Killing; Future BMT: The Stepfather; The Forsaken; BMT: The Covenant; Prom Night; Notes: He wrote some truly sublime junk in his day. Sniper 3? Yes, please.)

Actors – Brittany Snow – ( Known For: Pitch Perfect; X; Pitch Perfect 2; Hairspray; Would You Rather; Someone Great; Hangman; Bushwick; Syrup; The Late Bloomer; The Vicious Kind; Finding Amanda; 96 Minutes; Janie Jones; Hooking Up; Christmas with the Campbells; On the Doll; Dial a Prayer; Always Woodstock; Petunia; Future BMT: John Tucker Must Die; Pitch Perfect 3; BMT: The Pacifier; Prom Night; Notes: Has six things in production at the moment. One is simply called It’s Christmas! Which I think is about someone dying or something … crazy if true.)

Scott Porter – ( Known For: Music and Lyrics; Speed Racer; The To Do List; 10 Years; Bandslam; The Good Guy; Descent; Brampton’s Own; Future BMT: Dear John; BMT: Prom Night; Notes: You best believe that is Jason Street! He does a lot of voice stuff these days, and more television like Up Here on Hulu.)

Jessica Stroup – ( Known For: Ted; The Informers; This Christmas; Homecoming; Broken; Pray for Morning; Future BMT: Jack Reacher: Never Go Back; The Hills Have Eyes 2; BMT: Prom Night; School for Scoundrels; Notes: Was in Iron Fist, the television series, but since that got canceled she really hasn’t done much. She got married in 2022 which could explain her career slowing a bit.)

Budget/Gross – $20,000,000 / Domestic: $43,869,350 (Worldwide: $57,197,876)

(That is pretty good. Man, horror really just prints money.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 9% (6/69): A dim and predictable remake of an already dull slasher film, this Prom Night fails to be memorable.

(Already a dull slasher film?! How dare … oh wait, yeah … I guess it does take the original like an hour to even get a kill cooking. So I guess that is fair.)

Reviewer Highlight: For a film about erotomania, Prom Night is a curiously flaccid affair. – Jeannette Catsoulis, New York Times

Poster – Sklog Night

(I don’t like the poster mostly because it feels like it’s lying. It looks more like a torture porn film like Captivity or something. But it’s not. Way more fun that what this looks like. But it’s also not like it’s exactly bad, either. B.)

Tagline(s) – A Night To Die For. (A-)

(Sure. I mean, it’s not going to win any awards for originality, but it’s trying for the clever angle that I appreciate.)

Keyword(s) – 2007-2015

Best Options (Horror): 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.3 Prom Night (2008), 78.5 Shark Night (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 75.2 The Apparition (2012), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.1 The Pyramid (2014), 68.7 Captivity (2007), 66.3 The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death (2014), 65.5 My Soul to Take (2010), 64.8 The Final Destination (2009), 64.0 Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014), 63.0 The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2007), 61.3 A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), 58.8 Sorority Row (2009), 58.5 Resident Evil: Retribution (2012), 58.0 The Lazarus Effect (2015), 58.0 Legion (2010), 56.8 Shutter (2008), 56.0 Sinister 2 (2015), 55.2 Annabelle (2014), 55.1 The Green Inferno (2013), 54.2 The Messengers (2007), 52.4 The Eye (2008), 50.9 Saw 3D (2010), 50.2 House at the End of the Street (2012), …

(Hellllll yeah. I don’t even think Vampires Suck is even a horror film, so this one is (by far) the best option. I think crushing the Paranormal Activity films will be exciting in the future.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 19) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Brittany Snow is No. 1 billed in Prom Night and No. 4 billed in The Pacifier, which also stars Vin Diesel (No. 1 billed) who is in Babylon A.D. (No. 1 billed) which also stars Michelle Yeoh (No. 2 billed) who is in Mechanic: Resurrection (No. 4 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 19. If we were to watch Sinister 2, and 40 Days and 40 Nights we can get the HoE Number down to 19.

Notes – Aside from the title and the concept of teenagers being stalked by a killer at prom, this film shares no connection to the original Prom Night (1980).

During the scene at the hair salon, the original Myers house from the original Halloween (1978) can be seen outside the window . Jamie Lee Curtis, who starred in Halloween, also starred in the original Prom Night (1980).

Nelson McCormick had done extensive research into proms going as far back as where and when the first prom was ever held in American history in the film, compiling detailed portfolios for the cast and crew, which had an introduction on the origin of the prom and what it represents. However, writer J.S. Cardone, when going over what would be the titular prom with McCormick, ultimately decided on a prom which, apart from the music and dancing of the Bridgeport seniors, was beyond the scale or budget of a standard American prom.

Scott Porter is 7 years older than Brittany Snow, while playing high school seniors who are the same age.

Johnathon Schaech (Richard Fenton) and Jana Kramer (April) met on the set of this movie and were married between 2010-2011.

Taken 2 Recap

Jamie

It should come as no surprise that when confronted with back-to-back bonus weeks involving the Dumb and Dumber franchise and the Taken franchise that we chose to double up on D&D and save Taken 3 for another time. As Jack from Lost would say, “We have to go back.” Mild spoiler here, but what a mistake! Not that Taken 2 is such an amazing BMT film that adding Taken 3 to the mix would have elevated the art of bad movie watching to new heights. And not that the Dumb and Dumber franchise was such a swing and miss from a BMT perspective. It’s more that after watching Taken 2 I thought to myself “ah yes, there is an obvious conclusion to this cohesive and yet diminishing tale. Let me take a look at the Wikipedia page and confirm.” At that point, once I read the barest details about Taken 3’s plot, my eyes bugged out of my head like a cartoon. It sounds totally insane and not at all what I expected. But that’s a tale for another day.

To recap, Taken in back, Jack! And boy does Bryan have a particular set of skills. Those skills? Being a great dad, awwww. His ex-wife Lennie is having trouble with her new husband, his daughter has a new boyfriend, and she’s trying to get her driver’s license. So everyone is vibing and Bryan invites them to Istanbul to get their groove back. Meanwhile an Albanian mobster rues the fact that Bryan killed his whole family so he decides to kill him in exchange. Back to Istanbul where Bryan is showing Kim around and explaining how he learned so much about the city from a book… so that’s his particular set of skills: reading. Ultimately, he and Lennie are captured while out at a bazaar, but Kim is able to hide with the help of her dad. Bryan tracks where he’s going and ends up being able to call Kim. He helps her very accurately find out where he is hidden and when she finds the location he has her drop a gun down to him. With that he is able to escape and save Kim, but Lennie is taken away to a different location. Bryan and Kim drive to the US Embassy where Kim is hidden away before Bryan uses his super reading brain to retrace his steps and find the mobster’s HQ. He kills everyone and when confronting the Big Bad he gives the guy a choice: leave them alone and live or don’t and die. The guy decides to not leave him alone and so Bryan kills him. This seems to be no problem for anyone and he heads on back home where Kim gets her license and they all meet her boyfriend over milkshakes while Lennie’s new husband is probably somewhere being sad. THE END.

Hahaha! Taken 2! And apparently this isn’t as crazy as it gets! The film starts exactly like you would expect. It’s perfect. Albanian thugs descend on Turkey and take his whole family hostage this time. I’m on board. More Taken, please (says Franchise Man). But once our boy Bryan is taken and Kim is left to pinpoint his location and save the day we descend close to a parody. Patrick took a screenshot of how Kim is meant to have pinpointed his location and it’s so wrong that you can’t help but laugh. Then when Bryan has to track down his wife at the mobster’s HQ it’s like you are watching an episode of The Mentalist or something where he uses his super brain and reading skillz to retrace his way through the streets of Istanbul. It’s absurd. So absurd that I assumed the third film also qualified for BMT because it is more of the same… from what I gather I’m so, so wrong. So I guess I’ll say that I enjoyed the absurd moments that this gave me. The rest was just a fine Taken movie. I wish it were more absurd, but that’ll have to wait for the next one.

Hot Take Clam Bake! So in the beginning of the film you see Bryan cleaning his car at the carwash. The attendant is like “yo, we can do that,” but Bryan knows exactly how he likes his car. Why? Cause HE IS THE CAR WASH ATTENDANT. That’s right, the Taken series is just the delusions of a saddo. His ex-wife is living it up with her rich husband. He never sees his daughter. So he dreams… dreams of his daughter appreciating his help prepping for the driver’s test. Dreams of racing to the embassy to save his daughter. Dreams of retracing the steps he remembers from when the baddies drove him to their HQ. Notice a theme? Cars. All involve cars. Why? Because he’s a car wash attendant and this is just a dream. Each car we see is a car he is washing in that moment. Hot Take Temperature: Hot Wax.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about Liam Neeson pre-bad knees running around Turkey hoping Maggie Grace can follow complex directions? Let’s go!

Hey, c’mon. You are lying yourself if you don’t think this is at least entertaining. It knows what it is (dumb) and it plays into it perfectly. It is a fine follow up to a film which is, in reality, not particularly good and has probably aged poorly (even from a purely action perspective).

The film is pretty nonsensical as well, with some great unintentional hilarity (all surrounding the purportedly what? 16 year old Maggie Grace? She was 29 at the time). Just look at this fucking picture:

… Maggie Grace is supposed to be drawing a 3km circle, so she measures out 3km with a string, and then attaches it to the top of the pen(?) and draws a circle that is way too small. It is hard to tell whether they end up lampshading this a bit as well since Neeson maybe even says that the circle is too small. No worries, she’s just going to lob a few grenades into downtown Istanbul and he’ll figure out where he is that way.

Let’s see. There is also a whole odd aside in which Neeson is friends with a bunch of other security experts who help him out by calling the Turkish authorities and get them … to let him go wandering around Istanbul to kill people after he crashed a car into the US Embassy? Fat fucking chance.

So you see, this movie is super dumb. But the action is at times good, and I also think there was a potential for a redeeming finale to the trilogy. Part 1: They take the wrong guy’s daughter and he goes and kills them. Part 2: The wider syndicate underestimates him again while trying to get revenge. Part 3: Man realizes the syndicate will never stop trying to hurt his family and takes the fight to them in Albania?

Apparently that isn’t what the third is about (by a long shot) which I have to assume is because the second was so poorly received they tried to tack out of the original idea and just made things worse.

Very much a Setting as a Character (Where?) for Turkey which is where the bulk of the film is set (not Albania, a boy can dream). I think that is it honestly, there isn’t even a twist. The movie is closest to Good and is arguably so depending on how you feel.

Read about my sequel to Taken in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Taken 2 Quiz

Oh man, so get this. I was giving my daughter some directions to throw grenades around a metropolitan area when one got a bit too close to my head and exploded giving me a concussion. Now I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Taken 2?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) In the beginning of the film Bryan if off to see his daughter in sunny Los Angeles for a driving lesson. But where is Jamie and how does Bryan find her so quickly?

2) Meanwhile the eeeeeevil Albanians (relatively of those killed in the first film) are back for vengeance. They have a two step process for figuring out that Bryan is currently on a job in Instanbul. How do they get the two pieces of information (who he is and where he is)?

3) How does Bryan escape?

4) Where do they head after the escape?

5) And then the coup de grace, how does Bryan find his ex-wife?

Bonus Question: I just finished up detailing my car when my new agent Logan calls me. What does he want?

Answers

Taken 2 Preview

“I ain’t afraid of no gh-gh-ghosts,” Jamie says, looking at the creaky stairs leading to the basement of the jail. It had been three months since they were convicted of Decapitation and Accessory to Decapitation and Jamie and Patrick were still rueing that unlucky gust of wind that resulted in the accidental removal of the unfortunate head. However, they also had to admit that perhaps something good would come out of their stint in the clink after all… friendship. They met Kyle when all three of them volunteered for dishwashing duty and soon they were known around the prison as The Triple Threats. Sure, Kyle had what appeared to be an unhealthy obsession with mannequins, but other than that they had come to trust him with their lives. So when they were offered the opportunity to clean out the prison basement in exchange for some extra spoons they jumped at the chance. Nothing could go wrong when the Triple Threats were together! But now facing the darkened stairway they wondered why it was that the room seemed to get ten degrees colder when the job was announced? Or why their arch rivals, The Three Amigos, didn’t fight them for the opportunity to get the precious spoons? Soon after they began to hear whispers about the Big BM and now they wondered whether those whispers were going to come back and haunt them. “I’m sure it’s fine,” Patrick says, taking a step down the stairs. “Yeah,” Jamie says, joining him on the top step. But before Kyle can make a crowd, a horrific bat-rat monster leaps from the darkness and drags them both into the basement. “Oh no!” Kyle yells in horror. “They’ve both been taken by the Big Basement Monster. Not just Jamie was taken! Patrick was taken, too!” That’s right! We are watching the sequel to the smash hit and franchise starter, Taken. The real prize at the end of all this is Taken 3, but you gotta start somewhere and not every week can be a backbreaking bonus week. So just Taken 2 on our plate… for now. Let’s go!

Taken 2 (2012) – BMeTric: 27.9; Notability: 32

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 21.6%; Notability: top 16.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 13.4%; Higher BMeT: Piranha 3DD, The Devil Inside, LOL, The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure, Paranormal Activity 4, The Apparition, Smiley, ATM, Chernobyl Diaries, The Cold Light of Day, The ABCs of Death, Dark Tide, So Undercover, Red Dawn, Soldiers of Fortune, Alex Cross, Lay the Favorite, 2016: Obama’s America, About Cherry, One for the Money, and 34 more; Higher Notability: Battleship, Dark Shadows, Ice Age: Continental Drift, This Means War, Total Recall, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, Wrath of the Titans, Red Dawn, What to Expect When You’re Expecting, The ABCs of Death, Escape from Planet Earth, Underworld: Awakening, That’s My Boy, The Odd Life of Timothy Green, The Guilt Trip, The Watch, A Thousand Words, Man on a Ledge, Atlas Shrugged II: The Strike, The Vow, and 21 more; Lower RT: A Thousand Words, Dark Tide, One for the Money, The Apparition, The Cold Light of Day, Atlas Shrugged II: The Strike, Playing for Keeps, The Devil Inside, So Undercover, Fire with Fire, The Babymakers, Alex Cross, Piranha 3DD, House at the End of the Street, Gone, ATM, Meeting Evil, LOL, About Cherry, Soldiers of Fortune, and 13 more; Notes: We are at about half as far as the top RT films. We’ve seen a good number of everything, but this was the era where there was just too many bad movies! How will we ever watch all these bad movies?! More than 50 films have a BMeTric over 25, that’s insane!

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – “Taken 2” is slick, professional action, directed by Olivier Megaton. Let that name roll off your tongue (Olivier, not Oliver). It was produced and co-written by Luc Besson, the French master of thrillers, and Robert Mark Kamen, his writing partner on many films. The first “Taken” was made for $22 million and grossed 10 times that much, establishing Liam Neeson as an action star after a career spent in heavyweight roles. The cast is uniformly capable and dead serious, and if you’re buying what Luc Besson is selling, he’s not short-changing you.

(Wow, I do love when they just kind of like it? I can totally believe someone is picking up what this film is putting down. But even the first film was dumb, so it also isn’t surprising when people expected it to go even bigger and getting served mostly the same thing wasn’t doing it for them.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otHUjWVgIig/

(I kind of love that there is no explanation that he and his ex-wife are semi-back together in the film. The trailer looks dumb in that it does Taken Too and also then seems to not be Taken and instead is just a generic action movie in the end.)

Directors – Olivier Megaton – ( Known For: The Last Days of American Crime; The Red Siren; Exit; Future BMT: Taken 3; Transporter 3; Colombiana; Anna; BMT: Taken 2; Notes: He hasn’t done anything major in America since the third Taken film. French which makes sense.)

Writers – Luc Besson – ( Known For: Léon: The Professional; Taken; Lucy; The Fifth Element; The Transporter; Transporter 2; Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets; Unleashed; Revolver; Taxi; La Femme Nikita; District B13; Kiss of the Dragon; Taxi 2; The Big Blue; District 13: Ultimatum; Taxi 3; Wasabi; Bandidas; Angel-A; Future BMT: Taken 3; Transporter 3; The Family; From Paris with Love; Colombiana; Lockout; 3 Days to Kill; Anna; The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc; The Transporter Refueled; Arthur and the Invisibles; BMT: Taken 2; Taxi; Brick Mansions; Notes: Oh, he actually does seem to have a story credit. And he did Lockout too?! He really liked Maggie Grace.)

Robert Mark Kamen – ( Known For: Taken; The Fifth Element; The Transporter; The Karate Kid; Transporter 2; The Karate Kid; Lethal Weapon 2; Lethal Weapon 3; The Karate Kid Part II; Kiss of the Dragon; Bandidas; A Walk in the Clouds; Taps; The Power of One; Enter the Warriors Gate; Split Image; Future BMT: Taken 3; Transporter 3; Colombiana; The Karate Kid Part III; The Transporter Refueled; The Next Karate Kid; Gladiator; BMT: Taken 2; Angel Has Fallen; Brick Mansions; Notes: Has credits on the Taken television series and the Karate Kid television series naturally.)

Actors – Liam Neeson – ( Known For: The Dark Knight Rises; Batman Begins; Schindler’s List; Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace; Taken; Love Actually; Star Wars: Episode IX – The Rise of Skywalker; Gangs of New York; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe; The Lego Movie; Non-Stop; Unknown; The A-Team; The Grey; Ted 2; The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian; The Next Three Days; The Ballad of Buster Scruggs; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader; A Walk Among the Tombstones; Future BMT: Kingdom of Heaven; Taken 3; A Million Ways to Die in the West; The Huntsman: Winter’s War; Entourage; Daddy’s Home 2; The Marksman; Krull; The Nut Job; Marlowe; High Spirits; Before and After; BMT: Taken 2; Clash of the Titans; Battleship; Wrath of the Titans; Men in Black: International; The Haunting; Memory; Blacklight; Retribution; Notes: The Neeson! His first film this year was good. BOO! I don’t think we’ll have another one this year, but he has seven films in pre-production so hopefully we’ll see a few in the coming years.)

Famke Janssen – ( Known For: X-Men: Days of Future Past; X-Men; Taken; X2; X-Men: The Last Stand; The Wolverine; GoldenEye; Rounders; The Faculty; The Wackness; The Vault; Celebrity; Once Upon a Time in Venice; Made; Lord of Illusions; The Ten; The Postcard Killings; 100 Feet; Knights of the Zodiac; The Gingerbread Man; Future BMT: Taken 3; Hide and Seek; House on Haunted Hill; Don’t Say a Word; Deep Rising; Redeeming Love; BMT: Taken 2; Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters; I Spy; Notes: Born in The Netherlands, and is probably most famous for X-Men.)

Maggie Grace – ( Known For: Taken; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2; Knight and Day; Faster; The Experiment; The Jane Austen Book Club; Aftermath; The Hurricane Heist; About Alex; Suburban Girl; We’ll Never Have Paris; Malice in Wonderland; Decoding Annie Parker; Love, Weddings & Other Disasters; Supercon; Unity; The Scent of Rain & Lightning; Creature Unknown; Flying Lessons; Showing Roots; Future BMT: Taken 3; Lockout; BMT: Taken 2; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1; The Choice; The Fog; Notes: She is definitely most famous for Lost where she was honestly one of the worst bits of the show for the parts she was in. She’s in Fear the Walking Dead.)

Budget/Gross – $45,000,000 / Domestic: $139,854,287 (Worldwide: $376,152,455)

(That is quite good and it is definitely no wonder a third was made. I wonder how poorly that did to get the series canceled.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 22% (38/173): Taken 2 is largely bereft of the kinetic thrills — and surprises — that made the original a hit.

(Yeah sounds right. I think the original was just a unique experience and very titillating in its own way … and this was just a reheated version of that.)

Reviewer Highlight: Seems like a nonstop car and foot chase, with Albanian after Albanian falling victim to Bryan’s remarkable aim and hand-fighting skills. – Neil Genzlinger, New York Times

Poster – Taken 2: Electric Boogaloo

(I like the style of this even if it feels a little dated in today’s world. There is a grittiness to this that feels very of the time. But I like how they worked with the image of Neeson and the pop of red in the slightly dirtied Taken 2 font. It’s good. A.)

Tagline(s) – First they took his daughter. Now they’re coming for him. (B+)

(Sure. I mean it works. Wish they could have gotten there a little quicker and it’s not exactly the most creative thing in the world. But it does the trick.)

Keyword(s) – 2007-2015

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.3 Prom Night (2008), 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.5 Shark Night (2011), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 75.2 The Apparition (2012), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 74.1 The Spirit (2008), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.1 The Pyramid (2014), 69.6 College Road Trip (2008), 69.4 Gulliver’s Travels (2010), 69.2 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Scary Movie V (2013), The Last Airbender (2010), Left Behind (2014), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Love Guru (2008), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011), Norbit (2007), Movie 43 (2013), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Bratz (2007), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), One Missed Call (2008), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Skyline (2010), The Devil Inside (2012), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ouija (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Furry Vengeance (2010), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), After Earth (2013), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), The Gallows (2015), Jonah Hex (2010), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Getaway (2013)…

Best Options (Action): 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.1 The Spirit (2008), 69.2 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010), 65.9 The Cold Light of Day (2012), 63.7 Underdog (2007), 62.2 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), 61.6 G-Force (2009), 58.5 Resident Evil: Retribution (2012), 58.0 Legion (2010), 57.8 The Transporter Refueled (2015), 56.9 Land of the Lost (2009), 54.4 The Counselor (2013), 52.1 Dylan Dog: Dead of Night (2010), 51.6 The Spy Next Door (2010), 50.8 Your Highness (2011), 50.5 Cop Out (2010), 50.3 The Last Legion (2007), …

(Well out of the best options, but screw it. WE LOVE FRANCHISES!! I think Legion could have been insane though. Looking forward to that.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Liam Neeson is No. 1 billed in Taken 2 and No. 1 billed in Memory, which also stars Guy Pearce (No. 2 billed) who is in Justice (No. 3 billed) which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 16. If we were to watch Marlowe we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – The movie was shot as an R-rated film, but it was later edited down to a PG-13 for its theatrical release, just like its predecessor, and its sequel.

Although this movie mostly involves Albanian mafia and thugs, there is only one member of the cast who actually is Albanian.

In the final bathhouse fight scene, Bryan aims a Steyr M9A1 at an unarmed Suko, but Suko pushes his palm into the muzzle of the gun pushing the slide slightly, but noticeably back. Due to the browning tilting barrel of the Steyr M9A1, this action misaligned the firing pin with the primer of the chambered round, making it unable to fire until realigned. This is a very real world scenario.

The movie was filmed mostly in Istanbul, Turkey, and the production team faced some challenges during filming. One of the most notable challenges was when a stunt driver crashed a car into a storefront during a chase scene, causing real damage to the store. The production team had to negotiate with the store owner to continue filming in the area.

When production was announced, it was not immediately clear if Liam Neeson would return for the lead role. Mickey Rourke was considered as a replacement, before Neeson confirmed his return.

Dumb and Dumber To Recap

Jamie

It’s wild that I didn’t end up seeing Dumb and Dumber To in theaters. Not just because we saw the prequel in theaters, but because there was a stretch pre-Anchorman and pre-Wet Hot American Summer where it’s a reasonable possibility that I would have said the original film was my favorite comedy of all time. Amazingly this didn’t play into seeing the prequel at all (we obviously knew that was a tragic mistake and we were just seeing it for a goof… right?). Then all those many years later it felt like the original had shrunk so far in my imagination that it never even crossed my mind to see the sequel when it came out. To be honest (and this is shameful)… I’m not sure I knew it even qualified for BMT. What a twist! You know what? I blame the name. That’s on you, Dumb and Dumber To.

To recap, Harry and Lloyd are back, Jack! Many years after the events of the first film we find Harry taking care of Lloyd who has lapsed into a fugue state for decades. This turns out to be a prank and Lloyd and Harry proceed home where Harry informs him that he needs a kidney transplant. They head over to his parent’s house to see if they can help, but they are an old Asian couple that adopted Harry, so they can’t help. Fortunately Harry has a letter from Fraida Feltcher who informs him that he fathered a child with her and that child might now have an extra kidney for him. Fanny, who was given up for adoption, lives in Maryland where they find that she’s already on her way to El Paso to cover for her ailing father at a scientific conference. Being just as stupid as Harry and Lloyd she forgets her phone and a MacGuffin-like package she was meant to take with her. Lloyd and Harry agree to deliver it for them and take Travis, the groundskeeper (and lover of Fanny’s mother), along. Are there hijinks on the way? You better believe it. Travis, who is in cahoots with Fanny’s mother to kill her father and take his fortune, ultimately is killed by Harry and Lloyd by mistake. They end up arriving in El Paso unscathed and a bunch of incidents happen whereby Harry is mistaken for Fanny’s father and makes everyone at the conference look silly. Lloyd has fallen in love with Fanny but ends up coming to believe he is actually her father. Travis’ brother and Fanny’s mother arrive ready to kill all of them for the money. But in the end it turns out the dad was onto them the whole time and all the bad guys are captured. Lloyd apologizes to Harry for fathering Fanny, but Harry reveals the kidney thing was also a prank. Fraida then reveals that neither are the father but instead it was a friend of theirs that we never met… so… I guess that’s it. THE END.

This recap is a perfect encapsulation of the film. It starts out with some funny little scenes and a simple set up but eventually gets bogged down with too much plot. I also found Lloyd to be nearly insufferable in this film. He’s not just mean, but quite racist and misogynistic. Ultimately I know that this is part of them being super stupid (and thus on some level a commentary on that type of thinking), but they are still ostensibly the heroes of our story. By the end, as this type of humor piled up, it felt more like Me, Myself and Irene… kind of crossed into a level of crassness that I didn’t so much like. I wonder in cases like this whether there is some provocation being tried in the humor to test whether there is going to be an outcry. Almost like the Farrelly brothers wanted people to object so they could be like “see, you can’t make them like you used to.” But I watched the original Dumb and Dumber in preparation and it’s nothing like this… not nearly as mean-spirited. So I’m not sure why it is that the humor feels so much different. Ultimately, it had its moments, but left a bad taste in my mouth.

Hot Take Clam Bake! They die at the end. The bad guys show up with a gun and shoot them and what we see as the end of the film is the last moments before they die where Lloyd imagines Harry’s kidney disease is a prank and that the girl isn’t his daughter so she doesn’t have to witness his death. He imagines everything has worked out wonderfully for them and they walk off into the sunset. But think about it… they are quite stupid. Makes a whole lot more sense that they die. Hot Take Temperature: Atomic Pepper.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about making a sequel decades after the original but forgetting to make the main characters somewhat likable? Let’s go!

There is a fundamentally strange bit about this movie that involves the big twist. It goes a little like this: Harry got a postcard (he thinks) concerning a girl who he had sex with long ago who had a daughter. We are then introduced to this young woman who is, howyousay, quite dumb? Later there is some indication that nay! It isn’t Harry’s daughter, but it is instead Lloyd’s daughter! Oh, what a twist! But then in a final twist it is revealed that neither are the father, instead it was a guy they used to know who died in a motorcycle accident (for which Lloyd is partially to blame and has no empathy or regrets about).

So … was that guy also dumb? I guess he must have been. But still that seems strange to me. That the three people who could have been the father were all incredibly dumb people?

Anyways, much like the much maligned prequel there isn’t much funny here. There are some of the same charms. Them rubbing their butts and then eating stuff without realizing the stuff they are eating now smells and tastes like butt? Sure. Rolling down the street to meet Harry’s parents who are obviously his adoptive parents and it being suggested he just hasn’t been home in decades for no reason? Got it. The ultimate reveal that Harry’s whole kidney issue was a goof similar to the beginning of the film. Kind of works.

What I’m trying to say here is it does trump the prequel by actually having a few funny bits here and there. The prequel had nothing.

But as I said up top the issue is Lloyd in particular is super mean spirited. Something about it rubs one the wrong way thirty years later. Something about their age I feel like should have softened them a bit. But then we are talking about a different movie I suppose.

The B-plot also sucks in this one and is kind of oddly similar to the original for no reason. A big crime conspiracy to get rich being foiled by the two buffoons. Actually all three movies for some reason seem to hinge around these guys foiling crimes for some reason. I wonder why that is.

A good Product Placement (What?) for a giant inexplicable Coca Cola sign at one point. Again, a Setting as a Character (Where?) for Rhode Island with a fun road trip element like in the original. A decent MacGuffin (Why?) which turns into a rare Fake MacGuffin by the end. And I’ve already mentioned the Worst Twist (How?) which is a not-as-rare Double Twist by the end as to the parentage of the dumb young lady. I think this is a Bad movie, it isn’t bad enough to be BMT but isn’t good enough to be Good.

Read about my sequel to my betrayal in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd Recap

Jamie

When Harry me Lloyd? Don’t you mean “When Jamie and Patrick Met Bad Movies”? Now Patrick is going to spin you a yarn later about us watching this movie in theaters because we were making the big bucks at our summer jobs and no longer understood the value of time and money. Time and money were for suckers and suckers didn’t watch Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd. This is a nice tale. Unfortunately it’s WRONG. Hulk and Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd were indeed two theatrical films we watched in 2003, but not because we were making the big bucks. Check out the dates when those films came out: June 13th and June 17th. We were making the big bucks while school was in session? I think not. As my memory serves (correctly), these were the two movies we used our free passes to the local cinema purchased from our high school tennis team fundraiser. So yeah we weren’t considering time and money because it was free and we had the whole beautiful summer in front of us.

To recap, Lloyd, the oft-held back son of the school janitor, and Harry, the long home schooled new kid, are on a crash course… literally. Not only do we get the origin story of when Harry met Lloyd on that first day of school, but also the origin story for Lloyd’s chipped tooth. Awesome. Anyway, our two heroes are immediately wrapped up in a scheme by the criminal school principal and his lover, the lunch lady, who aim to start a special ed class to embezzle money from. Harry and Lloyd are tasked with getting the class filled and, due to the odd mixture of students they snag, plucky girl reporter Jessica starts on the scent. What else happens? Uh… some racist caricaturing. There is a treasure hunt Harry’s mom made up that they are trying to find. They go to a museum. Harry mistakenly smears chocolate all over a bathroom and Bob Sagat thinks his bathroom is covered in poop. Just a bunch of classy gags for a very classy film. Ultimately both the reporter and the class discover the plot after Lloyd snags the treasure chest full of evidence the principal keeps (thinking it’s Harry’s treasure by mistake). They decide to entrap the principal at the big TGivs parade and the reporter and everyone hails them as heroes. Ultimately, though, they don’t get the girl and instead Bob Sagat thinks they smeared a bunch of poop on his car or whatever. THE END.

Hmmmm, let’s start with a compliment. I thought the actor who portrayed Lloyd was very good. No wonder he went on to star in NCIS: Los Angeles. Not much to say outside of that. I recall liking the Bob Sagat bits when I saw this in the theater, but I think I kind of forgot the set up with the chocolate bar and stuff. All of it is quite dumb and mildly offensive. It also has that 80’s/90’s kids movie trope where the principal has to have some kind of complicated plot he’s hatching that our heroes have to foil. Why? I guess because there’s nothing else for a couple of dumb people to do. I think I would have preferred for them to go full straight-to-video 90’s and have the school taken over by terrorists or something. Anyway, there is very little to recommend in this film. The acting is tragic besides Lloyd and a totally out of place and underutilized Shia LaBeouf. The real tragedy is that this went to theaters so you can’t ignore its existence like we all do with Ace Ventura Jr.

Hot Take Clam Bake! This film does not actually take place in 1986 but rather 1992 and thus I believe that these are in fact imposters and not the Harry and Lloyd we met in Dumb and Dumber. Exhibit A is the excessive use of Vanilla Ice’s Ice Ice Baby, a song released in 1990. Now you are probably like “it’s just a song, dummy, meant to evoke the attitude of Lloyd dancing to something else.” Oh yeah, well how about Exhibit B? At one point in the film Lloyd uses the phrase “It’s on like Donkey Kong.” This phrase is attributed to Ice Cube from his 1992 album Predator. I just seriously doubt that 6 years earlier the dumbest man on the planet beat Ice Cube to the punch. Next you’ll be saying he’s a time traveler… wait a sec… HOLY SHIT! Hot Take Temperature: Vanilla Ice Cube.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about the one where you make a totally disconnected prequel but you still just play back all the best jokes from the original? Let’s go!

We ended up watching this as a bonus since it came out too early for the cycle. Time to finish the Dumb and Dumber franchise once and for all (well, until we decide to change over to the Bad Cartoon Twins I guess, there was a cartoon right?).

And fun fact, 2003. This would have been when we were making the big bucks during the summer and realizing “wait … we can just watch any movie that comes to theaters?” And we did. This and The Hulk are the two I distinctly remember from the summer of 2003. Nothing else really sticks out except I don’t think I watched X2 because I distinctly remember watching that twice on some plane ride. Given the year, I think it was likely the flight I took to London a year later?

Wait one goddamned second, Grind was 2003. Impressive, our friends who made us watch that a thousand times were on the cutting edge getting that on VHS.

Oh, this movie … but I was having so much fun reminiscing about the random movies I watched in and around 2003.

This movie is dumb and disgusting. I don’t actually really get though why the story is that Harry was cast first and they were dead set on him, and then he had to convince them to cast the guy who played Lloyd … I thought the guy playing Lloyd ultimately was way better and looked much more like the original character. Whatever.

No jokes are funny, the love interest story is dumb, and the underlying A story of a conspiracy to bilk some fund of money for special education is a waste of time.

In a way it is a perfect movie to explain why 2000-2008 was just the absolute best for bad movies. They decided to make this without input of the original creators or any of the actors at all. They made it and it got released to theaters in this form. It made $26 million. Lunacy.

Obviously Setting as a Character (Where?) for Rhode Island which is where all Dumb and Dumber movies begin. Secret Holiday Film Alert (When?) for TGivs as there is a parade surrounding this at the end. And I’ll throw out a Worst Twist (How?) for the ultimate reveal that everything that happened in the movie was kind of pointless since they were already running a sting operation on the principal so he was going to be caught regardless. This movie is a BMT movie, it perfectly represents everything that is wrong with early-2000s comedies and movie making.

Read about the prequel to my own betrayal in the quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Dumb and Dumber To Quiz

Oh man, years later after pretending to have a broken brain I … well, I have a broken brain. It is a bit like a massive concussion. I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Dumb and Dumber To?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Harry is quite ill. What is wrong with him, and where does he go initially to solve his problem?

2) And we are off on a roadtrip again! Where does his daughter live?

3) What dastardly plan do Harry and Lloyd stumble into when they meet Penny’s adoptive father?

4) There is a mission to get a very very secret MacGuffin to a conference to save humanity! What is actually in the box?

5) The finale of the film takes place at the big conference where Penny is giving a speech. Where is the conference and what big ol twist do they reveal?

Bonus Question: Previously on the quiz: we learned how Patrick met Kevin and ended with the ominous foreshadowing of Kevin declaring he’d never betray me again! So … did he?

Answers